For all these four years, I've been learning to love. That's all I can do: create jobs, help people, banally — set up a VPN for an old lady. I cannot change the government or stop the war. Sorry, Meduza, I can't donate either: I'm gay, and you're a foreign agent. On a pleasant note: today, on the war's anniversary, I met a guy. We discussed how delicious cloudberries are in northern Russia. I don't know if we will have a relationship or if I will have one at all here, in homophobic Russia. But I'm not going to leave — this is my country. I love it, but!.. not with an unconditional love. Every day — in taxis, metros, shops, restaurants — I hear dissatisfied voices. And I hope that one day there will be so many of them that they will tear the ears of this maddened, brutalized, frantic, and sick power.